Debbie’s Blog


  “Struck By Lightning: My Journey From the Shadow to the Light”

CHAPTER 11  ~ On the Rebound

“You’re not thinking clearly. By all means, go out with friends, take classes, try new things, begin to build a new life. But don’t find another relationship while on the rebound and grieving. It usually creates disaster. ~ Tina B. Tessina ~

A smorgasbord of emotions stretched through me, like a rubber band being pulled from both ends ready to snap. At one extent, rubberbandthere was profound sadness; the final curtain was falling on the most significant relationship I’ve had to date, and I now found my myself in a state of bereavement. On the other hand, there was an excellent sense of joy that arose from the onset of a new partnership, with all the hopes and dreams of a beautiful life together.

The Survival archetypes played an integral role here, especially the Saboteur. “Like the Victim and the Prostitute, the Saboteur is made up of the fears and issues related to low self-esteem that cause you to make choices in life that block your empowerment.”, Myss writes. She adds, “When you face this archetype, as with all the others, you learn to heed these warnings, saving yourself untold grief from making the same mistakes over and over. Ignore it, and the shadow Saboteur will manifest in the form of self-destructive behavior.”

Myss’s words describe my behavior to a T; I still embodied low self-esteem and made choices preventing my empowerment. Choosing to rebound from one relationship to the next, on the reboundprecluded me, at the very least, from the taking the necessary time to heal. There was a definite pattern in my life: I singled out men who were emotionally unavailable, co-dependent, or one who needed “fixing,” and expected different results, such as a healthy relationship. This is the definition of insanity!

Contained within this dark, ominous cloud was the truth this man and I were doomed from the very start. Until I realized it was me that needed fixing, it was me who needed to make the decisions that would build my self-esteem from the opportunities presented to me throughout life, I would never, ever have a healthy relationship. Several long, painful years of living in the shadow would pass before I even caught a glimpse of the light and recognized when I was about to sabotage myself.