Debbie’s Blog



** This chapter is fully written and edited, so I will only post an excerpt from it.


“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. ~ Joseph Campbell ~

     After school, I continued the downhill spiral by stealing my father’s whiskey and locking myself in my bedroom, where I would mix it with Tab. The taste was terrible, but the effect was heaven. Feeling the alcohol shield my open wound, I would open my journal and write poems, as the Artist archetype surfaced. I wrote about love – the one emotion I longed for, but which eluded me. abyss

     Why didn’t my mother love me? What had I done wrong? I was unaware at the time that my mother, who had been abandoned at the age of four, was unable to give me something she’d never had – a mother’s love and nurturing.

     Writing about the deep loss I sustained, I felt hollow, almost barren. It was true – I hated myself. Every drink I poured down, every pill I swallowed, pulled me further down into the dark, unable to honor my soul. Did I even have a soul?


     I was in a permanent state of melancholy and isolation. Writing about love – the scarcity of it, as well as my yearning for it – temporarily eased my suffering. The Addict was evolving into a beast that not only controlled my physical being, but my emotional and spiritual essence as well. The greater my heartache, the more I reached for anything that would alleviate that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Blinded to the potential perils that lay before me, I was well on my way to a long, dangerous downward spiral. I just didn’t know how deeply I would sink.