Debbie’s Blog


Chapter 14                 Hitting Rock Bottom

“Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom.”   ~  Dr. Tony Evans ~

Still not wanting to believe my husband was filing for divorce, I did everything in my power to thwart him. My last act of desperation resulted in a pathetic scene; I’d rather soon forget. We were sitting on the sofa when his demeanor shifted to one of firm resolution. The energy in the air was acute; I knew he made a decision. As he stood to leave the room, rock-bottom I fell to my knees, grabbed one of his pant legs and wailed, “You promised you’d never abandon me!”  Without compassion, he simply continued to walk away, dragging me for several steps, until I unceremoniously fell into a heap on the floor. Everything seemed to squeeze out of me. The entire world I created in my mind ceased to exist, leaving me an empty shell of a person, physically present, but with nothing inside.

It was over. The realization was unbearable, and I felt like dying. It was in this moment, at the very thought of dying, when I pushed the overwhelming feelings of rejection and abandonment deep down, bottling it up, to return to the “look good” little girl with which I was familiar. Denying the loss of any self-worth I built in the past years, I began a quest to have a little fun, and hunt down someone who would give what I couldn’t give myself – love.